Something was a miss, her heart yearned for more; more affection more care more recognition, the feeling of being loved.
They adored and respected her for her innocence, sweetness and playful shyness.. but her muddled mind and emotional heart set her along the path of horror.
Her hunger for this heartfelt satisfaction got twisted into a thrive for physical attraction and doing. Lost in her own emotions and temptations she easily gave herself away over and over again..
Until she had totally lost herself in her doing thinking no one was aware, she forgot for that instant and many instances that He was always watching.. her morale was boosted by those that thought of it as a good opportune to take advantage and indulge in what she so openly and easily accepted.
Lost she was from herself, from all things right feigning innocence behind her silence.. indulging in things that never gave her the heartfelt satisfaction she was so craving.. but on she went with the feeling of unhappiness growing on her as the satisfaction was only temporary.. her suppressed heart was surfacing bringing to the fore her suppression…. the search for true love…
The horror had prevailed as her doings slowly were known to those dear to her.. she wept, guilty she was for the wrong she thought was a secret to the world. This had flung her into the ocean of guilt, as she struggled to the fore her cries her pain her regret plunged to the depths of her soul.. He was listening, He was watching, He knew it all as He alone was always aware..
A night had dawned where she found herself prostrating before Him, and the tears flowed uncontrollably.. she yearned so deeply for that love that would make her complete, the love that saw the beauty of her heart, the love that would guide her back to Him.. He heard her plea, & answered it instantaneously as she felt a growing feeling towards Him and everything else that once kept her “happy” felt like deadly poison to the mind, body and soul.
Her pain wrecked her from within, as the tears flowed like blood oozing out after it tastes the sharp agonizing pain of a dagger..
Her calling was sincere, as her lips spoke no words but it emitted from her heart.. that is what set that moment apart, apart from all else that felt delightful..
It was heartfelt and sincere it was what He was awaiting.. her realization that above all that she assumed she had control of, it was He that controlled it all, her happiness, her pain, her joy… the unanswered prayers, the wishes that so lingered He was holding back for a reason that was known to Him and Him alone.